“Cousin Elliott”

Act One

Charles runs into the Pembroke living room and re-enacts his baseball game for Jason. Gwendolyn, who is also on the team, arrives. Lila announces that she is ready for her survival weekend. Douglas tries to sneak into Lila's bag so he can do research. Lila asks Gwendolyn about the new nightclub on Water Street. Charles thinks Lila is too young to go to the nightclub. Charles expresses how happy he is about his life. The doorbell rings; it's Cousin Elliott. Lila chases Douglas downstairs after she catches him spying on Gwendolyn's naked feet in the shower. The children are happy to see Elliott. Mr. and Mrs. Pembroke and Gwendolyn also come downstairs. They are surprised to see Elliott; Stan's brother Dave didn't call and let the Pembrokes know Elliott was coming. Jason is upset that Douglas isn't going to play catch with him. Charles offers to, but Elliott tells Charles that Jason doesn't need him. Elliott has brought gifts for the children. Charles is jealous.

During dinner, Elliott reveals that he has transferred to Copeland College. Elliott encourages Jason to drink coffee and Lila to bang on the table with her utensils. Elliott and the children form a loud marching band and leave. Gwendolyn thinks it is Charles needs to do something, but Charles says that Elliott is family, and Mr. and Mrs. Pembroke are upstairs, and they can stop Elliott if they want. Buddy arrives to go to course registration with Charles. Elliott returns and treats the kids to a gallon of ice cream. Buddy takes Charles aside and tells him that Elliott is trouble: a "winker". Buddy tells Charles that winkers have one goal: "to have a good time at all costs". Elliott invites Lila to a nightclub. Buddy warns Charles that Elliott sees that Charles has a good thing, so Elliott wants Charles' job.

Act Two

Charles, Buddy, and Gwendolyn arrive at course registration. Charles is worried about the trouble Elliott is getting into at home, but Gwendolyn informs Charles that Elliott has taken Lila to the nightclub. Charles races home. He finds Lila dressed up to go to the nightclub. Lila is upset that Gwendolyn told Charles where she was going, and she is worried that Charles will tell her parents. Lila says that all the inner circle girls sneak out on their parents. Elliott returns home with candy and cigars and promises to teach the boys how to play poker. Charles confronts Elliott and says that Elliott should not take a fourteen year old girl to a place that needs bouncers. Elliott says that he's helping Lila grow up; Charles says that she's doing a fine job on her own. Jason complains of a triple fudge ripple bellyache. Elliott tries to cheer Jason up by offering to teach him to juggle, but Jason refuses. Elliott tells Lila that they're going to the nightclub, but Charles stops them and says that he is in charge. Elliott tells Charles that Charles isn't family and he is risking his job. Charles says he doesn't care about his job; he cares about three young, impressionable children. Charles threatens Elliott, and Charles storms out. Elliott says that he is going to talk to Uncle Stan.

Mr. and Mrs. Pembroke are in the kitchen for a midnight snack. They remark how quiet the house is. Charles returns and tells the Pembrokes that he believes Cousin Elliott is a bad influence. Mr. Pembroke tells Charles about his brother Dave—who is also a bad influence and irresponsible. Mr. Pembroke believes Elliott is following in his father's footsteps. Mr. Pembroke also informs Charles that Elliott has left for his new dorm in Bailey Hall. The children come downstairs. Jason's bellyache is better, and Lila has forgiven Charles for not letting her go to the nightclub. Gwendolyn and Buddy arrive and tell Charles that they've registered him Basic Business, English Lit, and Art Appreciation (as well as some other courses with a minimum ratio of four girls to every guy). Buddy remarks on how good life is.