“War”

Act One

Mrs. Pembroke tells Charles that the Wilson family was so impressed with Charles that they are considering hiring a girl named Megan Harper to look after their own children. Mr. Pembroke announces that his company came out with a new line of fishing gear, so he and Mrs. Pembroke get to try it out. Mrs. Pembroke has invited Megan over to spend some time with Charles so she can learn more about the job. Lila needs to write a paper about how history repeats in everyday life. Charles suggests that Lila carries a tape recorder and records things she hears to help her with her paper. Mrs. Pembroke tells Charles that she and Mr. Pembroke will be back that afternoon because the newspaper wants her to review a new Swedish film. Buddy arrives to invite Charles to the movies, but Charles can't go because Megan is coming over. Buddy thinks the girl must be an elephant if Mrs. Pembroke likes her, but Charles is surprised to see a cute girl at the door.

Charles and Megan have a drink in the kitchen, but Charles soon leaves to help Lila with her paper. Megan thinks Charles shouldn't go running to help the children every time they call him. Douglas and Jason run into the kitchen and declare a war because Jason used Douglas' lucky towel. Lila realizes this is history relating to her life: a civil war. Charles tells the children to apologize to Megan, and he tells her that he has never seen this kind of behavior before. Charles urges Jason to declare peace, but Jason refuses. Megan tells Charles to let Jason and Douglas work it out themselves; he didn't help Lila, and she found a topic for her paper by herself. Charles informs the children that he is going to be neutral. War rages on, with Lila acting as a war correspondent.

Act Two

In the kitchen, Megan asks Charles to test her lip gloss, and they kiss. Douglas enters the kitchen, revealing that he has been slimed by Jason. Charles wants to get involved, but Megan tells him if he settles this fight, he will have to settle all the children's future fights. Charles agrees, and he tells Douglas to end the war. Megan is impressed with how Charles handles the children. Jason wants to hide out in Charles' room. Charles agrees so that he and Megan can have peace, but when Charles and Jason enter his bedroom, a bucket of water dumped is on their heads. When Charles and Jason emerge from the bedroom, Douglas dumps a bucket of flour on their heads. Mr. and Mrs. Pembroke return home. The children try to convince their parents that they were just baking cookies. Mr. Pembroke tells Charles that he and Mrs. Pembroke are going to the movies, and when they return, everything better be back to normal.

Megan admits to Charles that she isn't sure about the job; she realizes that taking care of children is a big job, and she won't get much time for herself. Meanwhile, Douglas has Jason tied up in the kitchen, and Douglas is threatening to put Jason's G.I. Joe in the blender. Charles enters to break up the fight. Megan leaves to tell the Wilsons that she is not going to take the job. Charles stops Megan and tells her that she can't be neutral when taking care of children and that her philosophy on children has some holes in it. Megan agrees, and she tells Charles to invite her to a football game sometime, and she leaves. Charles sits the children down and tells them that he was wrong to be neutral. He gives the children an ultimatum: finish the war, or continue until their parents come home, and then everyone will be in trouble. The children agree to peace, and Douglas offers Jason his lucky towel.