Season 2 Quotes

1. “Amityville”

Charles: No no no, Buddy, you only think you saw Mrs. Pembroke. But if you saw her from the front, then you’d realize it really wasn’t her in the front!
Buddy: Oh, she told you her padded bra story too?

Adam: Have you heard he thinks my room is his room?
Jason: Your room is his room.
Charles: What?
Sarah: Have you heard he called me a “shrunken Lila”?

Jill: I told him I had important news about your life.
Charles: He said he had important news about my wife. I told him I don’t have a wife, he said “well, that must be the news”.

Sarah: “Little Women” by Louisa May Alcott is a classic.
Buddy: Well if it’s a classic, I’ve read the Cliff Notes.

Jill: Checked your closet?
Jason: Oh, no! Is it possible I’ve only checked my closet seventy-eight times?!

Buddy: Charles, I smell involvement. Involvement permeates this house like a skunk. It’s Amityville here. Leave this house before it kills you. Get out!

Charles: I owe you money, right? You make us a pizza, I’ll owe you more money, how’s that?

2. “The Naked Truth”

Buddy: Yeah, that’s uh… that’s really, umm… that’s… that’s really ugly.
Charles: Well of course it’s ugly, it’s art!

Buddy: You couldn’t get the girl, so you got the picture?
Charles: No, I didn’t get the picture to get the picture, I got the picture to get the girl, get the picture?

Ellen: Charles, look at it this way: if Adam goes with us, he’ll be bored, and that’ll make me, Jamie, and Sarah nervous. But if Adam goes with you, he’ll be bored, but it’ll only make you nervous!

Charles: Ix-nay in front of the id-kay.
Adam: Yeah, Buddy, I’m impressionable.

Rebecca: I see you share the opinion of experts.
Charles: Yes, they often agree with me.

Charles: I don’t remember your mother saying that one of my duties was to introduce you to female nudity.
Adam: She probably forgot!

Charles: Rebecca, stop!
Rebecca: Charles, stop what?
Charles: Do not remove your clothing!
Ellen: Well, that’s a novel approach.

Walter: Charles, what is that girl doing in your room?
Charles: I’m going to show her my Kolodny.

3. “Feud for Thought”

Ellen: Face it Charles, men are animals.
Charles: Yeah, but don’t you kinda wonder how Sarah found that out?

Charles: Nicknames don’t mean anything — look at Boy George!

Adam: He said he didn’t appreciate people calling me Yoko Ono.
Charles: Yamamoto.

Charles: In diplomacy, honesty is the best policy.
Buddy: But what if he’s punching your face?
Charles: Then insurance is the best policy.

4. “The Egg and Us”

Walter: What would say if I told you I just ran into a woman I knew intimately over forty years ago, and she said I haven’t changed a bit?
Buddy: I’d say you were in great shape today, or you were in lousy shape forty years ago.

Ellen: Adam, Q-U-T-E? I’m not familiar with that word. What is Q-U-T-E?
Adam: Cute! You know, like me!

Buddy: You went swimming in the buff? Is that anything like swimming in the ocean?

Buddy: They’re probably just talking, reminiscing, looking for a buff to swim in the.

Charles: You put your friend ahead of your school project.
Jamie: I had to; I think my friend comes first.
Charles: Yeah, so do I.
Jamie: I don’t car—You do?
Charles: Yeah. Jennifer’s a real live human being, and when she needed you, you were there. That’s what a good friend does. That’s what a good mother does. That’s not what a cold, heartless person does.

Walter: Grandfather? How could I be his grandfather? I mean, Look at me, Charles, then look at him. Talk to me, Charles, then talk to him. Evolution doesn’t go backwards.

Gloria: Only one thing happened that night, and it wasn’t romantic.
Buddy: Ah, no, it was pure sex?

Walter: Well, we have certainly learned a lesson out of this, huh, Charles?
Charles: Yes, sir. Honesty is the best policy.
Walter: No, no. Never date a woman ’til you’ve checked out her grandchildren.

5. “The Loan Arranger”

Charles: Uh-oh. It’s one of those letters with the little see-through windows. These are never good news.

Charles: Tell your teacher that a play is written to be performed and not read, and maybe she’ll revise your grade.

Walter: We get together, we talk, we give parties.
Buddy: Sort of like a college fraternity.
Walter: No, we deny membership to idiots.

Buddy: Charles has a lot on his mind. I, on the other hand, have nothing on mine.

My relationship with Mrs. Powell is strictly business.
She pays you?

Stanley Willard: I see you got an A in Medieval Architecture.
Charles: Yes, sir.
Stanley Willard: Big bucks in that field.