Miscellaneous Quotes

Charles: Did your brain come pre-assembled, or did you glue it together yourself?

Charles: Didn’t you try to tell them we’re breaking out not in?
Buddy: I did, but “in” and “out” is a difficult concept for people who eat butterflies.

Buddy: Twice a week, I dream I’m a beetle.
Charles: You see, he feels so sorry for insects—
Buddy: No, I never said I was an insect!
Charles: You just said you dream you’re a beetle!
Buddy: Well, sometimes I’m Paul and sometimes I’m Ringo. I’m never George though—I can never remember what he looks like.

Charles: This is a man who thinks the Cold War was fought between Dristan and Nyquil.

Nurse Bennett: Do you know anyone else who was close to him when he was a child?
[Charles’ Aunt Vanessa walks in]
Buddy: Aunt Vanessa, you’re perfect!
Aunt Vanessa: I know; it’s a curse.

Aunt Vanessa: If he’d stayed on the motorcycle when I ran into the wall, he’d be all right, but he chose to fly into the wall!

Russell: I’m illiterate.
Buddy: C’mon, big guy, just because your mom and dad weren’t married, it doesn’t mean you can’t put out a fire.

[commenting on testing on animals at Copeland College]
Professor Willard: It was just a few monkeys, and don’t blame me; I wanted to use students.

Buddy: That sounds like fun; we should use my cage.
Charles: Do you have a cage?
Buddy: …no.
Charles: You should.

Charles: If you buy a lock, there should be a key with it.
Buddy: Not if the lock is on sale.

Charles: Buddy, breathe! Why didn’t you take the mouth piece out?
Buddy: I was afraid I’d drown.

[Charles is grading Walter’s paper]
Charles: Everybody will think I failed him because he went out with my girlfriend!
[Buddy walks in]
Adam: Hey Buddy, Charles is failing Grandpa.
Buddy: [to Charles] Oh, because he went out with your girlfriend?

[Reading Mrs. Powell’s protest signs]
Buddy: “Make pizza, not parking lots”
Charles: “All we are saying is give pizza a chance”

Adam: Do you think pizza is better than girls?
Charles: Yeah.
Adam: Why don’t you just take a pizza to Vermont?
Charles: Well, you see, there’s one thing a girl can do that pizza can’t.
Adam: [skeptical] What’s that?
Charles: Ski.

Buddy: She’s probably in her room right now, sharpening her gun.

Walter: Come in the kitchen and tell me everything.
Charles: I don’t know everything.
Walter: That’s okay, I do.

Lillian: Marriage is for life. If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.

Charles: Will you marry me?
Gwendolyn: Yes!
Charles: Yes!
Buddy: No!
Charles and Gwendolyn: Yes!

[about the wedding date]
Charles: Let’s set a date. I’ve never set a date before. It’s gotta be a day when we’re both available.

Lillian: How can she have a date in bed?
Jamie: She can’t, mom’d kill her!